| alone is all we are, even when we feel this close |
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[11 Apr 2008|06:22am] |
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I'm hurting inside. I've become too good at hiding it.
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[08 Jan 2008|12:55pm] |
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Every semester I usually procrastinate signing up for my classes, getting my books and parking pass until after classes start, but I am proud to say that yesterday I got EVERYTHING done. yay. :)
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[23 Nov 2007|10:23pm] |
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music |
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Beauty and the Geek |
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I have been reminiscing a lot lately. It makes me happy, but then it makes me sad because I miss everything. I feel like I kind of wasted the last 4 years. Oh well, I am happy where I am at and can't wait to move forward. I just want to graduate college already. I decided that I am going to change my major to Spanish. I will get a lot more money that way, and it is definitely something that I enjoy.
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[04 Jun 2007|03:57pm] |
yeah, it hurts.
but, whats the single life like?
i've forgotten after two years.
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[19 May 2007|01:02am] |
i just had a revelation and its really weird. i just realized that one day i am going to die. yes, it sounds weird that i am thinking this, but seriously, its weird to actually think about the fact that one day i am just not going to be here anymore and its just like none of my life ever happened to all the other ka-jillion people in this world. has anyone else ever thought about that? ive just lived my life without thinking about death at all and never having anyone else close to me die so i never have had to think about it. it really makes me want to just quit my job and spend all my time being with my family and my friends and my boyfriend and maybe get on a plane and travel to spain. haha. i guess i would need a job for that.
i just feel like im crazy right now.
so i took a couple shots while writing this to calm me down.
:):)
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| I guess I'm grown |
[21 Mar 2007|11:54pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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Robin Thicke |
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Freaking got a flat tire on my way to work the other day. Not a big deal, but the reason was because my front end alignment was so bad that the steel pushed through my tire.
So, come to find out, I need two new front tires, a front end alignment, and my car was shaking really bad whenever I went under 15mph so I got a tune up.
So, my dad made me pay for most of it. It cost a little over $700 and I maxed out my credit card to pay for $500.
It's very depressing.
I only had like $270 in my bank account and had to loan someone $200. (I am a very mother fucking generous person)
So...that left me with $70.
I had to pay to get a cavity filled and for a cleaning. which was $62.00.
In the end....I am left with $6.95 in my account. A maxed out credit card and about three bucks in my pocket.
I have to pay half of a phone bill in a week....schedule a doctor's appointment...pay for that...and I have to get more cavities filled in about a month.
I still have to get that alignment because the place I went couldn't do it there. MORE money...
I have not yet recieved my tax forms from my two other jobs from last year because I moved and I guess they can't find me...so I have to find them. And file those.
I'm only a server.
I hate being in the real mother fucking world.
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[01 Feb 2007|11:43pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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So tonight I worked and I told my boyfriend that I would come over and spend the night afterwards....so I called him (he lives in Stafford) when I got off at 10:45 and he said he was playing poker and that he wasnt going to leave and I could wait for him at his house if I wanted to. (which would be outside) I told him no, and to just forget about me coming over, so he just kind of shrugged me off and I went home. Now, at 12:45 at night, he just got done and he called me and was begging me to come over. This is the second time he has done this and I don't think that he understands that I am not going to be waiting around. So, he asked me if I would come over tomorrow morning and I said no, and that if he wanted to see me, he can come up here and see me. So, then he got all mad and brought up something that happened the other day (I said I wanted a "break", but didn't really mean it, and he was all begging me not to) and he was just like "Fine, then don't call me, and if you want a break, we are on one" and hung up. I know he doesn't mean it and I know that he will call me by 3:00 tomorrow, but I just can't stand how he thinks that I am going to be waiting around for him and always going to forgive him right when he apologizes even though I know that he is going to do it next time. Sometimes, I just seriously hate guys.
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| Christmas |
[09 Oct 2006|12:17am] |
I am really excited about Christmas. I know it's not quite close yet....but it's that time of year when I start thinking about it. I wanna make a list.
-a tattoo :):)
-MAC makeup
-Coach purse
-perfume (Euphoria)
-clothes
-shoes
-Tiffany earrings, bracelet and rings
That's all I got for now...not too expensive, eh?
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[04 Oct 2006|10:25pm] |
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I haven't written in here in a while. I'm bored. I just finished a whole bunch of work for college. Oh yeah...I'm a college girl now. But...I'm not quite sure if NOVA really has college girls. haha. I am now mad at myself for not going off to college. I talk to all my friends that are away..and it makes me sad because I want to go and have all those freedoms that they have. Then again...I love it here. NOVA's actually not that bad. I already kind of messed up though. My classes are a little early in the morning...and I love to stay out late...and the two don't quite mix. I missed a couple of weeks of classes and now am trying to catch up. I hope that I do. I don't want to fail already. And like..I'm scared of my teachers so I don't want to ask them what I missed because they'll just ask where I was. Oh well...hopefully doing good for the rest of the time will help me out. I actually love my history class. I hate my biology class. I am taking math online. (I thought that it would be easier......guess not...) And I am doing this dumb college success skills class online which is a pain in the a-hole. Hm...other than that...I just work CONSTANTLY. I need to stop working. I realized that when Josette came up for the weekend and I couldn't see her at all because I just worked so much. What happened to the good ol' days where I didn't HAVE to work? This stinks. I also realized that I need to lose a lot of weight. Working at a restaurant definitely doesn't help that. I realized this because the lady at work that JUST came back from having a baby only weighs like 5 lbs. more than me. I need to get back into volleyball but I don't want to go into an old persons league because they don't do anything. I need to get on a real team, but I don't know of any. My boyfriend always asks me to go to the gym with him...but running on a tredmill doesn't sound convincing enough for me. I actually cut back on some food today..that should help a little. Ok...enough about that. Goodnight. :)
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| ugh |
[29 Dec 2005|09:51pm] |
Dear mom-
Let me go.
-Laura
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| long time |
[27 Aug 2005|07:37pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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Been a while since I've written in here. Right now it's 8:40 pm and I am currently waiting for my boyfriend to wake up. We were supposed to go to the movies at 9:45, but I don't think it's going to happen since it takes him an hour to get here from his house and he's not answering his phone since he's sleeping. I know he works night shift, and he's tired during the day...but I miss seeing him as much as I used to. It's gotten down to once a week. I go crazy all week thinking about him. He really is the best thing to ever happen to me. It'll be four months with him in 3 days. I can't believe that it has only been four months and I am feelings all of these feelings. It's nights like these though, where I am just sitting here waiting, that make me sad. I'm not in the mood to cry. It's just depressing that the one person that I care about most in the world is the one person that people tell me I shouldn't be with. But, what do other people know? Are they in my relationship? Do they know what goes on? I just wish that he really understood what I go through constantly...every day...for him. Everything that goes on though, only makes me stronger. Honestly, it's people though that just make me want to run away. If I just ran away until I was 18...I think that I would be so much better off. I can't take any more all of the shit that I get. Mostly from my mother. It never used to be like this. She uses the one thing that I love the most against me, knowing that if she throws that in my face that I will be her little fucking toy that does whatever she wants. I can't believe how she is using me. I AM HER DAUGHTER, AND SHE TREATS ME LIKE SHIT. But i am in love with a wonderful persono who i cant wait to be with for the rest of my life....<3
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| mmmm |
[12 Dec 2004|07:36pm] |
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I hate the holidays. Yet I love them so much. I alway wish I had someone to be with around this time, but I NEVER get to have anyone over Christmas. I feel like every day I have a new crush just because I want ANY of them to like me back. But it just never seems to happen. And if it did, within one week I know I would end up not liking them, I just wanted to feel loved by SOMEONE. I think this is why sluts become sluts. Just because they want to feel loved and they think that the guy is going to end up liking them just bc they do shit for them. How many people do I even have a crush on right now? Like....probably too many to count. Like...9. That's just...horrible. And I'm scared of all of them. Any of them potentially LONG, GOOD relationships? Like...3. I just wish someone worthwhile would come my way and be looking for someone like me. I don't know what "someone like me" would mean though. Why does everyone have to have a girlfriend too? That sucks even more. And most guys these days are just shallow and they just all want the pretty girls. They say "blah blah blah, I like her personality"...well if it was all personality...I could find another girl that as a WAY better personality, but she may not look "perfect". It all just gets on my nerves. But...I hate typing all this, so I'm going to go.
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| It's been a while... |
[10 Nov 2004|09:53pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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Nelly and Tim McGraw-Over and Over |
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Well, here I am again. You can always tell when I get really bored because you see an update from me. I've been really bored with myself lately and am just waiting to get out. Haven't been doing much....working, school...same old same old. Volleyball is over finally. I hate being grounded. I don't even know why I listen to it anyways. I can just walk out of the damn house if I want and she can't stop me. But I'm just trying to be good for the next two years and not try to piss her off too much, and then I'll be gone and far away from here, and not have anyone telling me what to do. I've been really comfused lately. About everything that's been going on. And it's hard to talk to anyone because nobody gets it. I would tell Josette, but I knwo she would just make a face and make me feel stupid and then she'll try to be supportive, but she's not very good at acting. And I know after reading this entry....you're going to ask me what it is, but I won't be able to explain it. It's very difficult. I get paid tomorrow. I'm excited, but I know that I'm not going to be able to get it because I'm grounded and I know if I ask her to go get it, shes going to try and take it. I'm going to get my dad a birthday present with this paycheck. Probably some shoes....like usual. Well, I guess Im going to go to sleep. Goodnight.
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[09 Oct 2004|10:07am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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I really want to go to homecoming. But everyone I know has a date. I wish they didn't MAKE you go with a date. Oh well....if I don't find anyone, I just won't go.
I just got my new laptop and I love it and now I have the internet. :)
Football game tonight. I can't wait. I love all the people.
Josette's out of town and it's just weird.
Well....gotta go to work....:)
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| Im backkkk |
[15 Jul 2004|10:17pm] |
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haha, so what? has it been like 2 months since i have updated this thing? lol. I didnt think anyone really used it anymore. I havent even been on the computer in forever. All I have really been doing is working. I love my job though. I have so much fun there. Hmmm. I've been on the verge of hooking up with like..3 different guys...but somehow they all end up being dicks.....or having something wrong with them. Whatever. It's summer...summer is meant to have flings right? haha....oh well. Well the other day I went to get a pedicure at the usual place I get a pedicure at and they mother fucking talked me into getting a manicure. I hate it. I have ugly hands and so I just don't think that it looks right. Oh well. They'll come off sometime. Hmmm...what else has happened? Well, I passed the 10th grade. I guess that's always a plus. I think that this coming year is going to be very easy for me, but I still don't want to go back. I've ben hanging out with different people over the summer and I kinda like it. It's different instead of always being routine and doing the same thing every day. I also get my liscence in two days. I am so happy. Life will be so much easier then. And I can get away with much much more. My mom and Mr Brown are in Wisconsin for the next two weeks. My dad has been staying over some nights just to keep an eye on me and my sister. I enjoy the nights very much though when he decides not to come over. Its very much fun. Well, I guess I better get going. Byeee.
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| mmmm. what days. |
[16 May 2004|09:19am] |
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 chipper |
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Kanye West |
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Everything's been really great lately. I've been actually having fun. It feels like summer and I don't like that because I know I have to go to school on Monday...which sucks.
Friday- Had a game. We lost 1-0. Oh well. We did alright. Then I went home and got my bathing suit and went to Amber's to go swimming. Due to some circumstances I wasn't able to go swimming and I was really sad because I wanted to get in so bad. It was fun watching Will and Josette get in though. Will jumped from the deck into the pool and the fat ass made the water go everywhere from his huge splash. We all just kinda hung out. We got Taco Bell. I was really happy about that. We kinda walked the neighborhood and we rung Stephen's door bell and ran. Well..I kinda walked. lol. But whatever. Will ended up wearing a pair of Amber's ugly underwear and was running the neighborhood. I got some pics for that one....lol. We went to the playground and Will yet again farted on me like usual. Sam came later on....didn't go to well there...but we won't talk about that. We all went downstairs and tried to watch Cabin Fever but we all fell asleep. I ended up on the floor and Amber, Kevin, Will and Josette were all on couches.
Saturday- Woke up. Will took us to McDonalds. Went back to Amber's. My mom picked me and Josette up and we went back to Josette's. We took Josette's moms car and we drove around Kerrydale and then we had this crazy idea to drive to Dairy Queen and get some ice cream since Amber works there. So we got there...ordered...and I had forgot my money. I was SO pissed. I wanted that ice cream SO BAD. Oh well. We just went back to her house. Matt came over and they had a "mini band practice" they didn't accomplish much. Sam was over too. And he ran to Taco Bell and got us some Taco Bell. :) Thanks Sam. Well, I fell asleep while they were watching some nasty shit on T.V. and I ended up sleeping for like....four hours. I woke up...can't really remember what we did. I think we just hung out. Then Amber and Will and some guy named Matt came over. We finished Cabin Fever. I was happy :) Sam and Matt left. Amber fell asleep. So it was just kinda Will, Josette and me for a while. Then....they both fell asleep. I'm always the last one awake...I hate that. Me and Josette then slept on the floor with Amber and Will slept on the couch.
Sunday- Woke up. Will is going to get his tattoo and Amber had to work so the left at like....9:45. Me and Josette just kinda....chilled. We fell asleep again. I cleaned...uhh..Josette had a game....so now Im at home doing this and getting ready to clean.
off to cleaning...
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[10 May 2004|02:16pm] |
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Ken was at Josette'a party, and seeing him there was the best thing that happened the whole weekend. <3333
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| Whats on your mind? |
[09 May 2004|02:52pm] |
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Well, everything turned out great last night. Josette might not have known half the people at her party....but that doesn't matter. I still had a blast. The band did great. They sounded really good. We didn't really do much until after the party. It was great. Amber and Will are so fun. And they bought me Taco Bell. I thought I was going to die on the way there. It would be really cool to hang out with them more often. I had fun with them spending the night. It was kinda awkward, but whatever. I never really fell asleep, and everyone else was knocked out, but it was fun watching the static on Josette's T.V. Then this morning I was awake really early because I wasn't tired at all, and I just kinda waited for Amber and Will to get up since Sam left and Josette went to her soccer game with her mom. Then we got up, and ate, and Amber decided to start cleaning Josette's house, so we all just kinda did too. I love Amber so much. Well, Im gonna go have some steak. <3
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